Sandoz
09-02-2008, 08:43 PM
Yeah, so here's another idea I hads.
Oh, sweet Jesus.
Lord of Darkness...Hela Queen of the Dead...
Lucifer himself, how could you let this happen...
Nathan's mouth was hanging open. He was watching the hanging television (suspended by meathooks, no less) in the main rec room, and was shocked at what was flickering on the screen. Does this thing have tivo, he thought, poking on the footpedal remote with a booted foot..yeah, there we go. Rewind. Ok.
"All-female band Switchblade's new single is slated to debut just behind Dethklok's new song. They've been around for a few years but are just now receiving worldwide recognition," the male reporter was saying. "Switchblade has made themselves known for their funny videos, harsh lyrics, and stoner rock licks coupled with punk energy. They may not be metal, but they're definately popular, and growing more so every day. Dethklok could have some serious competition for record and concert sales--"
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!," the singer roared.
"Dood, what's goin' on?," Pickles asked as he came into the room, whiskey bottle in hand.
"Chicks, man--chicks!," he cries, rewinding the footage again.
"Holy crap," says the drummer. "They're pretty frickin' hot, too. I'd do 'em."
"So would I, but that's not the point!," Nathan yelled. "The point is, WE'RE supposed to be the biggest band in the world, not a buncha ladies!"
The Tribunal lair, Senator Stampingston briefing:
"Gentlemen," the politician was saying. "Dethklok's supremacy over the world's music is now being challenged by an all-female band called Switchblade. Their concerts are breaking records all over the country and the music industry is avidly awaiting the next single."
"What do we know about this rising band?," Vater Orlaag, the 'spiritual representative', questions.
"Well, they are a five-piece band like Dethklok and they play blistering, dirty rock and roll as opposed to Dethklok's metal. But the people seem to love them. This, good sirs, is the drummer Lila Skye," he indicated the screen showing a dark-haired, muscular woman at her drumkit, sweaty and sexy as hell. "She hails from a logging town in Washington state, and has the chainsaw scars to prove it."
"..Next is rhythm guitarist Tanya Lane, half-German, half-Thai. She grew up in San Diego playing in punk bands and breaking beer bottles over herself and fighting men twice her size." The corresponding image was of a tall, thin lady with black and purple streaked hair, almond-shaped eyes closed in concentration as she played her guitar.
"This is bassist Minnie Drakul, from New York. She claims she's descended from Vlad the Impaler, better kown as Dracula, which is brutal AND metal."
"Damn, that's metal," agreed General Crozier. The screen now showed a short, scowling woman with wide shoulders and hips and thick light brown hair, giving the photographer the middle finger. She appeared for all the world like she'd love to impale a few people for shits and giggles.
"Indeed," Stampingston goes on. "She played in various metal bands before joining Switchblade. The lead guitarist simply goes by the name Debbi, and was one of the world's greatest female blues guitarists, before switching to psychedelia and finally stoner rock. Hailing from Chicago, she prides herself on being able to play any style of music in the world, and has tried her hand at metal, grunge, calypso, flamenco, and even plays the lute." The image for her was of a woman of medium height and build with bright red hair and myriad tattoos, playing her guitar with a cigarette dangling off her glossy lip.
"And lastly we have the frontwoman, Trailer Hitch, real name unknown. Her manner and accent suggests she's from the South, and she's quite the hard-partier. She's won numerous drinking and arm-wrestling contests. She was once in an all-girl Black Sabbath tribute band called Bitch Sabbath. Her interests are classic rock, men with long hair, shooting guns and drinking, sometimes all at once," and the screen presented the panel with an Amazon of a woman--tall, built like a brick shithouse with a tangled mane of blonde hair snarling at the camera.
"This could be a beneficial development," mused the General. "They could blow Dethklok out of the water."
"There are still millions of rabid Dethklok fans, and the results could be worldwide anarchy," argues the Senator.
Selacia, the white-haired elder, silences them. "We will let Dethklok meet this challenge. Be patient."
Oh, sweet Jesus.
Lord of Darkness...Hela Queen of the Dead...
Lucifer himself, how could you let this happen...
Nathan's mouth was hanging open. He was watching the hanging television (suspended by meathooks, no less) in the main rec room, and was shocked at what was flickering on the screen. Does this thing have tivo, he thought, poking on the footpedal remote with a booted foot..yeah, there we go. Rewind. Ok.
"All-female band Switchblade's new single is slated to debut just behind Dethklok's new song. They've been around for a few years but are just now receiving worldwide recognition," the male reporter was saying. "Switchblade has made themselves known for their funny videos, harsh lyrics, and stoner rock licks coupled with punk energy. They may not be metal, but they're definately popular, and growing more so every day. Dethklok could have some serious competition for record and concert sales--"
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!," the singer roared.
"Dood, what's goin' on?," Pickles asked as he came into the room, whiskey bottle in hand.
"Chicks, man--chicks!," he cries, rewinding the footage again.
"Holy crap," says the drummer. "They're pretty frickin' hot, too. I'd do 'em."
"So would I, but that's not the point!," Nathan yelled. "The point is, WE'RE supposed to be the biggest band in the world, not a buncha ladies!"
The Tribunal lair, Senator Stampingston briefing:
"Gentlemen," the politician was saying. "Dethklok's supremacy over the world's music is now being challenged by an all-female band called Switchblade. Their concerts are breaking records all over the country and the music industry is avidly awaiting the next single."
"What do we know about this rising band?," Vater Orlaag, the 'spiritual representative', questions.
"Well, they are a five-piece band like Dethklok and they play blistering, dirty rock and roll as opposed to Dethklok's metal. But the people seem to love them. This, good sirs, is the drummer Lila Skye," he indicated the screen showing a dark-haired, muscular woman at her drumkit, sweaty and sexy as hell. "She hails from a logging town in Washington state, and has the chainsaw scars to prove it."
"..Next is rhythm guitarist Tanya Lane, half-German, half-Thai. She grew up in San Diego playing in punk bands and breaking beer bottles over herself and fighting men twice her size." The corresponding image was of a tall, thin lady with black and purple streaked hair, almond-shaped eyes closed in concentration as she played her guitar.
"This is bassist Minnie Drakul, from New York. She claims she's descended from Vlad the Impaler, better kown as Dracula, which is brutal AND metal."
"Damn, that's metal," agreed General Crozier. The screen now showed a short, scowling woman with wide shoulders and hips and thick light brown hair, giving the photographer the middle finger. She appeared for all the world like she'd love to impale a few people for shits and giggles.
"Indeed," Stampingston goes on. "She played in various metal bands before joining Switchblade. The lead guitarist simply goes by the name Debbi, and was one of the world's greatest female blues guitarists, before switching to psychedelia and finally stoner rock. Hailing from Chicago, she prides herself on being able to play any style of music in the world, and has tried her hand at metal, grunge, calypso, flamenco, and even plays the lute." The image for her was of a woman of medium height and build with bright red hair and myriad tattoos, playing her guitar with a cigarette dangling off her glossy lip.
"And lastly we have the frontwoman, Trailer Hitch, real name unknown. Her manner and accent suggests she's from the South, and she's quite the hard-partier. She's won numerous drinking and arm-wrestling contests. She was once in an all-girl Black Sabbath tribute band called Bitch Sabbath. Her interests are classic rock, men with long hair, shooting guns and drinking, sometimes all at once," and the screen presented the panel with an Amazon of a woman--tall, built like a brick shithouse with a tangled mane of blonde hair snarling at the camera.
"This could be a beneficial development," mused the General. "They could blow Dethklok out of the water."
"There are still millions of rabid Dethklok fans, and the results could be worldwide anarchy," argues the Senator.
Selacia, the white-haired elder, silences them. "We will let Dethklok meet this challenge. Be patient."